Grounds for Termination
An employee may also be terminated without notice if he/she:
– Hums excessively jaunty music for more than fifteen minutes in any given hour. This includes, but is not limited to Bieber, Beyonce, Taylor Swift or whoever that is who warbles on for days at a time about ‘Birds suddenly appearing.’
– Wears socks with sandals.
– Finishes off the coffee without making a fresh pot.
– Leaves the toilet seat up.
– Leaves the toilet seat down, but doesn’t flush. Your “production talent” is not a surprise gift to leave for the next person waiting in line!
– Tries on my shoes and thinks I won’t notice.
– Uses one of those oh-so-comical drawings of me as a dartboard.
– Replaces my J’adore Dior perfume with a few glugs of Vodka
– Attempts to speak to me/look me in the eye before either a) 11 am or b) my first cup of coffee.
Remember! The Home Sweet Home crew is a /family/! And like any loving matriarch, if any of you wear my heels around the kitchen, waving like a beauty queen again, I will pitch you off the patio and not think twice about it.