Archive For The “Internal Memos” Category

Crew Memo

Re: Onset Pranks Guys, I know it’s hilarious to watch our fearless leader get sauced, but I’m afraid I’m goung to have to officially put an end to the swapping of Rosie’s spring water for vodka. Why? 1. First and foremost, a drunk Rosie is a Rosie who doesn’t aim. She gets a snootful, and…

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Crew Memo

Good morning ‘Home Sweet Home’ family! I had an amazing discovery this morning, and simply had to share it with you! Did you know that in the basement, there is a room with two large metal boxes? Yes! Sitting in the darkness with a shelf overtop, laden with mysterious colorful containers labeled “Detergent” and “Fresh…

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Employee Handbook Addendum II

~ Grounds for Termination ~ – Hiding Cheesy Stix in my juicer. – Hiding Cheesy Stix in the umbrella stand. – Wiping your grotty, Cheesy Stix dust caked fingers off on my Chanel coat and denying you’ve done it when asked. (I don’t remember Radioactive Orange being on the house’s color palette, Brad!) – Suggesting…

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Employee Handbook Addendum

Grounds for Termination An employee may also be terminated without notice if he/she: – Hums excessively jaunty music for more than fifteen minutes in any given hour. This includes, but is not limited to Bieber, Beyonce, Taylor Swift or whoever that is who warbles on for days at a time about ‘Birds suddenly appearing.’ –…

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Re: Job Vacancy

Hi Guys, Just a quick note to say, while I do appreciate all the candidates you’re putting up for the gaffer job, remember that I have to bring these people to Rosie. Which means that, unless our next crew outing is gouging out her eyes, Rosie is actually going to see them. Speak to them….

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Crew Memo

I want you to know I think of us like a family. Don’t laugh! It’s true! Whether we’re working to create a beautiful, yet functional rock garden, painting the boarded over windows so they don’t look quite so dreary, or bonding over a festive evening of flashlight puppetry and delightful games like “Guess That Stain?”…

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Crew Memo

Re: Attendance Believe it or not, calling in “sick” to work isn’t your best bet these days. Number one, we all live in the same house, so if you call in sick in the morning, and are dancing on the pool table in the afternoon, odds are /someone/ will notice. Number Two, using phrases like…

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